Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Pigeon Given Key to the City After Win

Pigeon, arguably the most popular Raiders player since Jim Otto, was given the key to the city this morning at city hall. An estimated crowd of 120,000 fans lined the streets to get a glimpse of Pigeon and hear his speech.

Unfortunately however, Pigeon never showed up to the ceremony, leaving everyone in the dust. A parade, eating contest, and live performance by the band "The Barenaked Ladies" was planned.

"I'm really upset," said BNL bassist Jim Creeggan. "This was an opportunity for us to show the fine citizens of Oakland what songs are on our new album. I mean seriously, who has even thought of us since 1999? We needed this performance to delay going into obliviation."

Mayor Ronald V. Dellums was more understanding.

"Pigeons are very hard to keep track of. They move very quickly and go where the food is. Besides, they all look very similar. I don't even know if any of us would distinguish him from any other pigeon for that matter. I know I certainly wouldn't. I have very bad eyesight. And besides, I suffer from extreme depression due to the fact my name sounds like a court case."

This happened shortly after Pigeon signed a 3 year contract, worth 12 million bread crumbs, 7 of which are guaranteed.

"We're very happy that Pigeon will be here for the next few years," said GM Al Davis. "He's the best thing that's happened to this organization since we first moved to Los Angeles."

Pigeon is expected to declare a formal apology tomorrow. Until then, fans are encouraged to purchase tickets for Sundays game versus the Jets at regular price.

No comments:

Post a Comment